I want to punch something, I want to scream, I want to run, I want to cry, I want to fall, I want to wither in despair. I want to give up, I want drown in sorrow. My anxious thoughts are many, my loneliness is much, my heart has sank to my stomach as I have allowed the things of this world that I put hope into without realizing fall out of my hands and watch them shatter like glass on concrete. I feel like I am losing hope like water in my hands. Its all vain, this world. Its real, I tell myself this, and I hardly ever questioned it but day by day as I allow the thoughts of despair to disable me I have to start preaching to myself the blessings and miracles God has done in my life over and over and over and over and over again. That I have to look at this world and the knowledge given to me by god and know there is a creator…and one that loves me. What is wrong with me O Lord…this is not about me please, I need to see you, feel you, I want your touch like a lovers touch when holding hands for the first time. But you love me more than that. Oh God…dear God I need you.
